Helping a Loved One With Alcohol Addiction

Recognizing an Alcohol Problem in Someone You Love

Alcohol use disorder is a medical condition with physical, behavioral, and psychological symptoms. If someone close to you is drinking heavily or abusing alcohol in any way, they may have AUD. Some of the most common signs that your loved one has AUD include:

• Inability to control how much they drink or what kind of alcohol they consume.
• Inability to meet personal and professional responsibilities because of drinking.
• Drinking despite knowing that it will cause harm to themselves and others. This includes continued drinking despite health, financial, relationship, or legal problems.
• Increased tolerance over time or increased need for the drug to achieve the same desired effect (e.g., needing more drinks per night to feel "normal").
• Withdrawal symptoms such as nausea, sweating, shakiness, anxiety, irritability, insomnia, or restlessness when they reduce or stop their drinking.

If you recognize these signs in yourself or someone close to you, seeking help from a professional is crucial. An experienced healthcare provider can assess your condition and provide appropriate treatment options tailored to your needs.

How to Talk About Their Drinking

If someone you care about is drinking too much, you might feel powerless to do anything. You may be afraid of upsetting him or her by bringing up the topic, but not talking about it probably won't help either. The good news is that alcohol use disorder (AUD) is treatable.

Talking with a loved one can be hard. But if you have concerns, it might be worth the effort. If your words fall on deaf ears or the person brushes off your feelings, don't give up.

You can help by finding out more about AUD and how it affects your loved one. The information that you get could help you to make a plan for moving forward.

Try these tips to talk with someone who is drinking too much:

• Be prepared. Think through what you want to say ahead of time. You might even practice talking with someone else.
• Choose the right time. Don't try to have this conversation when your loved one is intoxicated or in an agitated state. The best time might be at a neutral location, where you can both speak freely and privately.
• Be direct. Talk about alcohol use with him or her directly. Don't be accusatory, but make it clear what you've noticed that's concerning to you. Be specific in your comments by describing behaviors that you've seen.

When you're having a conversation about alcohol use with your loved one, try using "I" statements. For example, instead of saying something like, "You drink too much," you might say something like, "I'm concerned about your drinking." This helps avoid sounding judgmental or critical and allows you to better express what's important to you.

What Not to Do

Confrontational interventions are not the first choice to motivate a loved one to seek treatment. Your loved one won't feel supported if you threaten, attack, yell, or belittle. Staying calm and supportive while presenting the facts helps you avoid those traps.

Don't try to talk to someone who's using drugs or alcohol. If he or she is drunk or high, wait until that person sobers up. Don't force treatment on anyone. You can encourage someone to get help, but ultimately the decision needs to come from him or her. Try not to make threats about cutting off support if your loved one doesn't agree to a treatment plan or quit drinking or using drugs. That might push the person away from you.

Don't pressure your loved one to admit he or she needs treatment. People with AUD can be resistant to getting help. Your job is to make sure the person knows all of his or her options and then let him or her decide. Don't blame or shame. If you blame or shame a person, he or she will feel attacked and may become defensive.

Research shows that these types of confrontations often backfire and drive the person farther away from help. The CRAFT approach does not use confrontation and has been shown to be more effective.

Finding Treatment Together

The Illinois Helpline connects family members seeking recovery services for their loved ones, including the uninsured or underinsured. Families can find out about the different levels of care and treatment options available to their loved one.

It's best to start with a conversation between you and your loved one. Try to make it as positive as possible by expressing your concern, that you want to support his or her recovery, and that you are ready to help him or her find the right treatment provider.

If your loved one does not seem open to the idea of treatment or is hesitant, try to gently point out how substance use is impacting him or her personally and socially. If you can't get your loved one into treatment right away, talk with a specialist at the Helpline for support on navigating the situation.

Together you can research treatment options, call programs to ask questions, and make an appointment to speak with a counselor.

When It Is an Emergency

If a loved one is in crisis, call or text 988 immediately.

Alcohol withdrawal can become a medical emergency if not treated quickly. If you think your loved one may be going through alcohol withdrawal, watch for signs that they may need medical care:

• Hallucinations
• Seizures
• Delirium tremens (DTs)
• Confusion
• Fever
• Rapid heart rate (tachycardia)

If you see these signs, call 911. Medical personnel can help your loved one get through alcohol withdrawal.

Sudden stops after heavy drinking can trigger very uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms, including:

• severe tremors
• nausea and vomiting
• agitation or restlessness
• confusion or difficulty concentrating
• seizures

A sudden stop after heavy use can be dangerous.

Delirium tremens can cause death if not treated promptly.

If these symptoms occur, call 911 or go to the emergency room immediately.

Do not try to force someone into treatment. You can't make them change. But you can offer support and help them seek it out.

Support for Family Members

Al-Anon and Alateen are peer support groups for family and friends of people with alcohol use disorder. Meetings offer encouragement and strength through sharing experiences and ideas about how to cope with a loved one's drinking. They are also an opportunity for members to support each other through the 12 steps adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). In addition, meetings can provide hope that family members can improve their lives by managing their own feelings.

SMART Recovery for Family & Friends is a research-based mutual help group that focuses on building skills to manage behaviors and relationships related to addiction. It is an alternative to 12-step programs such as Al-Anon or Alateen. The program encourages open-minded discussions of options for recovery, self-empowerment, and individual responsibility.

Family counseling sessions can include spouses and other family members. Couples and family counseling may be useful in repairing and improving your relationships. A counselor or therapist can teach you how to communicate more effectively with one another.

Some families find it helpful to attend individual counseling sessions with a mental health provider in order to learn how to cope with their loved one's addiction and other problems in the home.

Taking Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself while helping someone else is key. When you're well, you can take better care of others. Try to find other people who understand what you are going through and can offer support. These might include:

• Friends or family members
• A professional counselor or therapist
• Support groups such as Al-Anon or SMART Recovery for Family & Friends

Many people are surprised at how much caring for another person affects their own health. As you support your loved one during treatment and recovery, don't forget that taking care of yourself is important too.

Relatives often need their own rest while caring for a person with alcohol problems. It may help to ask other family members to join you in providing care. Or consider asking friends or neighbors to help out with chores, shopping, or child care. A local support group also may be able to help.

Depression or anxiety in a caregiver may be due to personal stress or worry about a loved one. If this happens, it is important that you seek professional care for yourself. It may also help to talk with others who are coping with similar problems.